The Safety Fairy

fairy

🧚‍♀️

pronouns

she/her/hers

race

fairy

title

County Safety Fairy (all counties)
Metropolitan Safety Fairy (QueenCity)

The Safety Fairy is a fairy appointed by PrincessJeanette to "ensure the safety and well-being of all Centralian subjects." The Safety Fairy takes her duties very seriously, and as a result is most often viewed as a nuisance by those she interacts with.

Appearance

The Safety Fairy typically wears a fluorescent yellow-green high-visibility vest with reflective stripes. Patches on the side of her vest warn of the clearance to stay out of her wingspan. Also wears fluorescent yellow-green pants and a large hard hat with S.F. emblazoned on the front. When on an enforcement spree, she attaches a rotating blue police light to the top of her hard hat. The Safety Fairy wears steel-toed boots at all times, in contrast to most fairies, who go barefoot. The edges of her wings are adorned with red-and-white striped retroreflective tape.

Activities

Catchphrase is "Hello! I'm your [county name] County Safety Fairy, here to keep YOU from being horribly maimed!" The catchphrase is different depending on the county you're in, but it's always the same fairy.1

Has an office, in which all the furniture is fairy-sized, despite her having to work with mortals regularly. Refuses to admit visitors who don't produce a state-issued ID card, even if she knows who they are. This policy has caused trouble for PrincessAlice, who, as the reigning monarch, does not have a state-issued ID. Beware her magically "enhanced" metal detector.

When someone is about to do something deemed unsafe, she conjures safety equipment for them. Can use magic to turn regular items of clothing into high-vis fluorescent PPE. Sometimes conjures so much that they can't move; this is probably intentional, since it prevents them from doing anything dangerous. Once removed the wheels from the royal limousine to prevent it from driving off cliffs.

At DameAdorabellesAcademy, Princess Alice and her clique, the "Band of Brats", are the bane of her existence. When bored, they sometimes look for ways to freak her out, which is not difficult. Crossing the street when the red hand is flashing, for instance. The only mortal who actually gets along with the Safety Fairy is AshUpquark, who tries to discourage the Band of Brats from behaving unsafely, always unsuccessfully.

Every Christmas, sends gift-wrapped safety vests to everyone she knows, including Alice, Ash, Imicow and TzeTze. Alice scrunches hers up and stuffs them into a pile at the bottom of her closet. Ash keeps hirs neatly folded in their packages and hands them out to people who want to walk after dark or cycle in the street.

Hangs around Guardswoman Ravenswood a lot, to the frequent irritation of the latter. They argue a lot. One time Ravenswood and the Safety Fairy unwrapped all of Alice's Christmas presents to check whether any contained bombs; the Princess was not pleased.

Declined to appear in the British children's fiction series Rainbow Magic out of concern that children might get paper cuts. Is, however, the author of a book entitled Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200: A Guide to Board Game Safety, as well as the Health and Safety Regulations Manual, which is frequently updated and runs to thousands upon thousands of pages. The manual cautions that it should not be printed due to risk of paper cuts, and that when handling paper, Kevlar gloves should be worn.

Known to sabotage firearms, rendering them harmless (did this to PrincessMeredith's antique rifle, as well as Guardswoman Ravenswood's service pisol). Also confiscated Ravenswood's assault rifle once, deeming it "grossly unsafe".

Greets new coastal residents with lectures on hurricane preparedness. Greets new magic-using residents with lectures on safe spellcasting. When encountering people eating food, lectures them on the dangers of choking. Annually begs Alice to mandate that all trick-or-treaters wear high-vis safety vests.

Is NOT affiliated with the Police, but will attempt to enforce traffic safety regulations anyway. Sometimes closes off entire roads. Has been known to stop random vehicles to inspect tires and lights.

Has an anime-style magical girl alter-ego, for which she dresses up in a high-vis blaze orange dress. Fights the Permanent Maiming Fairy, who also gets into costume for the occasion.

Officially disapproves of dancing. Vocally disapproves of "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats, due to alleged noncompliance with safety regulations. This stance was undermined somewhat by the Hijacker's leaking of secretsafetyfairytwerk.avi, a file which was never intended to leave the royal household.

Has been using the same FaeFone 4 for four years. Keeps it in a bright fluorescent yellow-green phone case with diagonal black stripes. Refuses to use any phone without stress-testing the batteries first. Ringtone is "Safety Dance".

Used to regularly pester Ash over Alicorn® FairyMessenger™, warning hir about the dangers of obscure sports such as cheese-rolling. Was eventually banned from the network after discovering the mass-message feature and sending so many automated safety reminders to everyone that the network slowed unusably.

Runs a bogus tech support scam, wherein a pop-up appears informing the user that they have a virus and telling them to call a hotline to get it removed. Calling the number connects you to the Safety Fairy, who proceeds to lecture you about internet security, and lock your computer into "Extra Safe Mode", rendering it non-functional. Only considers a post to be "SFW" if it was typed while wearing a safety helmet and goggles.

One year, the Safety Fairy launched an ill-advised awareness campaign, featuring the slogan "Safety is sexy!" alongside pin-up images of herself posing suggestively in a hardhat, coveralls, and a high-visibility vest. DameCerise was a fan, for...some reason, and requested that the Safety Fairy put out a calendar with a "sexy" PPE pinup for every month of the year--a request she was more than happy to oblige.2

Sources

  1. A compilation of Centralian fairy facts written by Tachyon.


CategoryFairies CategoryContributionsByTachyon

  1. In QueenCity, she announces herself as the "Metropolitan Safety Fairy" rather than the "County Safety Fairy", as Queen City is a Metropolitan Special Prefecture and not a part of any county. (1)

  2. This is Cherry's fault. (Yarrun helped.) (2)

SafetyFairy (last edited 2023-05-27 22:56:27 by CentralAvenue)